Illusion of Independence

"No man is an island" is the famous line written by the poet John Donne. Contrary to that well-known statement is our human tendency to draw inward, to do life by ourselves, especially when you're going through something painful or hard. We like to say things like "I don't need anyone" or "I can get through this on my own."

The illusion of independence is a topic that I cannot wait to talk about. Some of the ideas I am sharing come from Tim Tebow's book "Shaken."

I think most of us have said these words, or something along those lines, at some point in our lives. I know I have been guilty of saying those before too. I think back to last basketball season when I was struggling with coming back from knee surgery nearly the entire season. There were times that I would get so frustrated that I just wanted to keep a lot of things to myself, especially when dealing with the game of basketball. I also think of times where it was to tough to trust friends. Some people you get very close to and all of a sudden they betray you, so it is tough to open up to people again. Fortunately that hasn't happened that much in my life. We do these things for many reasons. We were betrayed by someone close to us and don't want to get close to another. We think that we should be able to handle pressure, tough times, or trials by ourselves. We don't want to bother anyone. We don't think anyone could help or that they'd even want too. That is where I struggle. When I was struggling last season, I didn't want to be a burden to anyone and I didn't want to have a pity party. The last thing I wanted was to have my teammates or coaches feel bad for me.

When you self-isolate yourself, that is when things go down hill. You think that you can tackle life and the situations that you are going through alone. You tell yourself, I'm going to be strong, push through, and fight my pain." Problem is, the loneliness that you struggle with will only grow deeper. Then what happens is that you forget to realize something. You have to lean into a loving and supportive community, even if it's just a few people, and stop believing that you can survive on your own. If you have been stuck in this situation before and find someone you know you can talk to about it with, it is one of the greatest things. You feel so much better when you can really rely and trust on someone to be there for you.

"Now, I'm not saying we need to shout our every thought, worry, or fear to the world, hoping someone will listen. I'm also not saying we need to air our dirty laundry to a random person to get it off our chest. I'm saying it would do us a world of good to connect with like-minded people who believe in us, who love us, and who are willing to walk with us. Especially during a tough time.

Professional adventurer Bear Grylls said: "A man's pride can be his downfall, and he needs to learn when to turn to others for support and guidance." Amen to that. Am I right? It's super hard for guys to admit to each other or other people if they are struggling with something. I recently had a friend who went to China with me this summer who texted me last night and he asked for help. This is what he said to me. "I need your help bro! I have been struggling getting into the word lately. I'm looking for a good place to pick back up and get better at that. What would you recommend a good place to pick up reading again?" I could not be any more proud of my friend for reaching out to me. Not for my personal glory but because he reached out to me because he was struggling with something. Him reaching out to me meant the world to me. I haven't seen this friend since May and he reached out to me when it's nearly December. Imagine a world where people set their pride aside and seek guidance and support from their friends or mentors.

"Friends can encourage us. Motivate us. Inspire us. Celebrate us. Mourn with us. Listen to us. Make us laugh. Offer a new perspective. Hold us accountable. The benefits of friendship are endless." If you are going through a tough time, it's important to lean into others for support, for love, for wisdom  and encouragement. This is something that I have often had to do and I am grateful for my support system and all of the very close friends that I have. In this process, I've also found that every person in my life has unique innate gifts and characteristics. I have a lot of friends who have different roles in our friendships.

"True friendship is about trust, being vulnerable and sharing, not shutting down because of pride. It's about enduring with them. Believing with them. Loving them. And encouraging them."

Never think that you are an island. God has put so many wonderful people into each and every one of your lives. Embrace relationships and your support systems.

~ you are loved ~