I am comfortable and myself around certain people and that has become simple to me. At this point I have a firm grip on what people around me are totally for me and I am totally for them. It's become simple because that is what I am used to. I see teammates, I see my friends, I see people everyday where it is simple to be myself around.
When it's difficult, I struggle. There are more people out there who don't know me well then there are who do know me well. That's life. Jesus loved everybody. Even when it was difficult for him. Even when his life was filled with constant interruptions. He loved no matter what. I know that I am not loving people like Jesus loved people. I feel like I am not doing a good job with that at all. It's difficult to love on the people I really don't know.
I have a longing for making everybody feel like they matter. Like I mentioned a couple weeks ago in a post. My word for the year is "everybody." I say that I want to make everybody feel like they matter, I just don't think I am going a good job when it comes to the difficult.
I thought I was doing a good job at this until a couple of nights ago. Now, when I sit here and really think about, there are so many people that I walk past on a daily basis that I only say hi to. I want to go deeper than that. I want to ask them a question, I want to make them feel like they matter. For some people, saying hi might be enough! I just feel like God wants more out of me. I thought I was being obedient and doing things well and up to His standards...I really did. Now I have a spot in my heart for more.
I want to help, I want to serve, I want to make people feel like they mater. I do that to some people but not everyone. I feel like I talk a big game and think a big game, but aren't walking a big game. There are people around me who tell me I am a really good person, but do all people think that? Probably not! I don't care if they think that or not. I also wonder, does everyone see that I care about them?
I know the enemy can play mind games and deceives us to think we aren't in the right spot. I fully believe that. I also fully believe that the Holy Spirit is demanding more out of me. I feel like I have only scratched the surface. I don't want to be a good guy from the outside and based on how I present myself to certain people. I want want to be a good guy because I genuinely care about the growth of others.
This is a difficult post for me because there is so much going on in my head that I really don't know how to put it into words. I hope what I have said has made sense. There is so much being stirred up in my heart and I have't gotten the chance to talk to a mentor about it yet.
It's crazy how the Holy Spirit works. Especially because I wasn't in a bad place or anything. I am super happy with life right now and thankful for so many things. There is just something that is being done in my heart that I need to do something about. I am not going to do it with my power either. I can't. It's going to happen through a lot of prayer, patience, and practice. It's going to take some time. I can't be perfect in everything I do and don't expect to be either because I know that I can't. We as humans are so incapable of being perfect. I know that Jesus was perfect and that this life is a process of becoming like Jesus.
I was reading through Philippians this morning and these verses really stuck out to me.
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also in you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. (Philippians 3:13-16)
I love this for a couple of reasons. I am reminded that this life is not my own. My life is God's and my life is in His hands. As I shared above, I believed things were being done in the correct way in my life, and now what is most important is straining forward to what lies ahead. There is no looking back. Why look back when you feel God doing work in your life right now? When you turn back you are automatically opening a door where you could turn back again, and again, and again. It's hard trust me! Sometimes that will happen too. It's not easy to forget what lies behind because our past is usually the reason where we are today. In a good way, forget and move forward! Press on towards the prize that lies ahead. I am encouraged by the fact that the verse talks about how those who are mature think this way. Feeling the Holy Spirit work in me the past couple of days and feeling like there is more is super cool and then reading that the mature should think like this? Awesome stuff. For others out there, if you think otherwise, don't be discouraged at all! Don't feel lost either. God will reveal it to you in a way just for you.
The cherry on top of that the chapter I read today in the book Everybody Always applied perfectly as well. The opening quote in the chapter said: "How is your life working for the people around you?" This hit me like a slap across the face. I know there are some people around me who see it and know it, and I also know that there are many many others who have no idea. There so many people out there who my life doesn't work for. Partly because of me and partly because there are other people that God will put in their lives.
I know that I can pretend to have all the game when I am on the court at practice, in class, walking through campus, hanging out with my friends etc. But it's how I act around everybody else. The people from the outside looking in. The people I see everybody, and don't know their names, the people that I see and only say hi to. When I can do both the simple and the difficult that is what will let everybody know where I really am with Jesus. I still get it wrong more than I get it right but I am so grateful for a opportunities every single day.
People will figure out what we really believe by seeing what we actually do. Everybody has a plan, but God is looking for people who know their purpose. As often as I try to make it look otherwise, most of the time I make everything about me. I have a tendency to make things about my schedule and my time and how I am always in such a big hurry.
It takes time and it going to take a lot of time. It seems like it could be very complicated but it really isn't. It's about loving like Jesus did...ALL the time.
I love this quote from the book as well.
"I still mess up more often than I want to. When I do, instead of beating myself up, wishing I were the guy who had it all figured out, I hear the gentle and kind voice of Jesus reminding me once again to stop laying sod where He's planted seed in my life. His reason is simple: He's more interested in making us grow then having us look finished. He wants me to realize I'm just not quite there yet."
God always wants us to be growing. There is never a finished product until we are in heaven someday. We are simply not quite there. You are not there yet, and I am not there either. Not even close! That's what God wants...to realize that we are not quite there yet.
As I conclude this post, I apologize if it was boring to read about myself. There is work that is being done in my heart and I believe that the first step was sharing it and not keeping it to myself. As hard as that is, because if you know me very well, you know that I do not like to talk about myself. I hope that you might be encouraged by something in this post. I hope you remember the quote from the book about God planting seeds in your live that we grow. He didn't make us a tree so that you would be complete. We are seeds so that we grow and can recognize that they only way to grow is through Jesus Christ.
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